Tales of taco time

Every Thursday after gaming* with my friends we head to The Iguana Cantina around the corner from the game store we play at for free tacos.** This works out nicely, just buy a drink after 10:00 and you can go up to the taco buffet and make as many free tacos that you can handle (keep the free part in mind).
So last night my friend Frod*** was sitting on my left when I had the sudden urge to reach over with my right hand, slap the taco from his hand as he was raising it to his mouth while yelling “TACOHAMMER”. The taco slapped back down on the plate it came from and bounced onto the table. All 12 of us laughed hysterically, all except Frod that is. He got up and made himself another free taco then sat back down far down the table from me. Then I realized he was actually pissed. What’s the problem, the tacos are free, I didn’t get any one him, nobody was hurt and we all had a good laugh. After explaining it to him like that he reluctantly started laughing at and appreciating the situation.
So to sum up I have a new nickname: TACOHAMMER!
*We play Warhammer 40K, an incredibly geeks venture where we buy gaming models, and paint them, as well as creating terrain and tabletops to play on.
** This is the totally Iranian version of Buddy Night
***His name’s not really “Frod” but we do have to protect the innocent after all.

Porch cookies

Monday morning I was woken up by the sound of my phone ringing at 8:00 AM. Who would call me at 8:00 AM? My mother that’s who. She called to tell me that she just stopped by to drop off some Christmas cookies she’d made (she works 2 blocks from my place) but my porch door was locked and she had to get going so she left them on the stairs. I thought this was odd for a few reasons:
1) My porch door wasn’t locked.
2) Why not call me from the porch and wait until I came out?
3) Why leave them on the front stairs? Why not the back porch especially since she was also leaving cards for my cousins that I’ll see this weekend with money or gift certificates or something inside?

The end result is that I love my mother and it doesn’t matter what she does, or when she wakes me up as long as she keeps making be home made cookies.

Like it or lump it ya pansy!

It’s that time of year again folks. No I’m not talking about the holidays. I’m talking about “Winter Panic” time. In Eastern MA we’ve gotten a touch of snow already and of course people had to “re-learn” how to drive in the snow because 8 months is a long time to remember simple lessons like the decreased coefficient of friction that rubber has when coupled with ice and snow (it’s like a pile of retards*).
So yesterday some genius weather reporter use the term Nor’Easter when explaining the possibly severity of the snow expected in our area tomorrow and Saturday. Of course every time it snows that term gets tossed around and means less each time. Now what this means is that much of the population here will of course panic and buy everything in the grocery store because god forbid you have to leave the house when there’s snow on the ground. This self same pile of retards will complain about the snowy conditions which are all but guaranteed in this area of the country. WTF? It’s New England! If you don’t like it then leave because it will happen EVERY DAMN YEAR and I’m sick of hearing your bitching. Yeah it’s cold, yeah it’s snowing, yeah driving condition change. That’s what it means to live in New England in the winter. Please rid me of your presence and move to Florida, or possibly swallow a shotgun.

**


*Gotta give credit to the Asian Cowgirl for my new favorite saying.

**This whole entry was an excuse to use this image I found.

Cookies made better through the power of bacon

http://neverbashfulwithbutter.blogspot.com/2007/12/experiments-in-deliciousness-bacon.html

There's nothing I could add to make this better so please just look at the link.

Sin of pride

Driving home last night I noticed something on the car in front of me at the red light. It was a family crest…proudly displayed…on a Dodge Neon. Are you kidding me? What was the thinking behind this? Did you use all the other heraldry decals on the castle and suit of armor already and had one left over so you figured “what the hay”? I’m sure your ancestors are very proud of your accomplishments, and are thrilled to see how the bloodline has been maintained to such high standards.

Power scales

We've all heard the saying "The pen is mightier than the sword”. However, I’d like to submit that for the very same reasons the computer is mightier than the pen (and faster too). Think how powerful you’d be if you had a computer and most other people only had a pen.

Note to self: sell extremely not-powerful sword at home and buy a second computer. Be mightier.

Top 10 movie quotes that would have been better with Chupacabra involvement

1) Luke, I am your chupacabra.
2) You shall not pass (chupacabra)
3) It’s like a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, wrapped in goat entrails.
4) In all the chupacabras in all the world why’d she have to come into mine?
5) YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE CHUPACABRA!
6) Where does he get those wonderful chupacabras?
7) Conan what is best in life? To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of the chupacabras.
8) SHOW ME THE CHUPACABRA!
9) I may not be a smart man, but I know what chupacabra is.
10) Frankly my chupacabra I don’t give a damn.

Knock knock knockin' on heaven's door

Ok so what gives people? I work in a professional environment with seemingly well mannered adults. We’re also privileged enough to have private bathrooms in our department, which is very nice. So why is it that in this professional environment with well mannered adults I can’t take a peaceful crap without someone trying the door handle? Dude, KNOCK!
“Well Bacon, you should lock the door”. Yeah thanks chief, I do. That doesn’t change the fact that during a nice sit (that’s typed correctly) it’s totally unnerving to hear someone trying the door handle. It totally throws me out of my groove. Seriously who raised these people?