It's a cruel cruel world

A friend and I were talking last night and he brought up what he thought was "The cruelest thing I've ever heard Mason say". Now he had one choice, and it was a good one to be sure, but I had a different choice. His was chosen because he was present for it and got to see the guy's face (which was beyond priceless), and mine was far more satisfying to me. You be the judge.

Okay so his choice was this doozy. We were at college over summer and Pete, the guy that was ½ in charge of the food service on campus, came walking by practically floating on air with a smile you'd have to hit him in the face to alter. Now you should know that while Pete was actually a nice person in general he earned my ire time and time again for the food service and minimalist effort that came with it and the countless times I'd had to complain or really just get in his face at the school café. So OK, here he comes and we're sitting on a bench on the side of the hall with a bunch of other people while he's just bursting with joy. Literally, I'd never seen anyone so happy in all my life, not before or since. Someone asked why he was so happy and he just blurted out, with the purest joy I'd ever witnessed "We just found out that my wife is pregnant!" People congratulated him and he was soaking it up for about 3 seconds when I blurted out, totally deadpan, "Oh yeah, is it your's?" *record scratching sound* His face immediately turned into a frown, his head went into full on hang dog mode, and he just walked off speechless. Yes, I actually do have the power to crush a man with my words. You have never, and probably will never see a man go from such a high to such a low in that short a time.

Now my friend thought this was "The cruelest thing I've ever heard Mason say" but honestly, while hilarious, it wasn't. It's an old and tired joke that most people usually don't have the nerve to use. However his reaction was what really made this something to remember.

Now my favorite was during a breakup. A rather hurtful breakup with me being the one hurt. This girl had chewed me up and spit me out. She was older than I was and far more experienced too. She knew exactly what she wanted and how to get it and then crushed me. It's mainly for this reason that this story is more satisfying to me. OK, we both stopped by a friend's house that wasn't home but leaves the door unlocked. I went in to see if they were home and she was there. Both of us were shocked to ever see each other again (this was a few days after calling it quits rather unceremoniously), and truthfully I didn't want to have to look at her even one more time. I just stared at her not sure of what to say, or if I should give her the satisfaction of saying anything at all. Then I thought about it; she should suffer for what she did to me. So I said "I think we should talk" and we walked out to the porch, sat down, and chatted.

She began by apologizing to me for what she'd done, but I didn't believe that she was really sorry. I think she was just such a slimy shit that she'd had to apologize so often that she was just used to it. Her faux apology had only served to make me madder, and I was thinking of what to say when the perfect thing hit me. I should also add that her crying (whether real or forced) also just served to fuel my fire. She says things to the tune of how she can't believe that she ruined things, how sorry she was, and what a nice guy I was and that I didn't deserve this (look I'd heard it before being the nice guy that finished last too many times from other crying girls and it didn't work for them either). So I looked straight ahead with her to my left with no eye contact yet. I started with "I know the true meaning of words like love and hate, and how powerful those words really are. People use them too often without understanding that". I then turned and looked her straight in the eye and said "I can honestly say right now that I hate you". She then bursts into, what are definitely now, real tears with mucho sobbing (
Schadenfreude, look it up. Oh the sweet nectar). I paused and soaked in her tears and left her with "I'd kick you in the cunt but you're not even worth ruining the shine on my shoes", got up, and walked away leaving her to cry her soulless eyes out on the porch with the neighbors now watching. I never saw or heard from her again.

And that folks is the cruelest thing Mason has ever said. As a disclaimer I should add that I really don't look to hurt people. I don't, but I do have a gift for it when crossed.