New Year's Resolutions

Meh. That's just a way for people to feel good about themselves and their new goals for a few weeks before they forget. How about actually living your life and improving it all year round? Too tough for you? Need a kick in the ass once a year to remind you that you have to live your life and nobody will make it better for you aside from yourself? Fine, have your silly resolutions. Weaklings.

The best use of time

It’s such a sinful pleasure, and I shouldn’t get as much enjoyment or satisfaction out of it as I do, but… I do. There’s just something so right about texting someone while on the hopper. It makes you feel very productive, and it’s a little bit humorous. I had a conversation about this a few days ago and some people were a little grossed out ,but then it kind of made sense to them. Other people completely agreed off the bat so I’m not the pioneer by a long shot, nor am I the only one.
Look, I’m not talking about after or god forbid, during, wiping. That would indeed be rather nasty. Just simply sitting there texting and “taking care of business”.

P.S. I sent NoOprah a text stating “read my blog in 30 minutes” because I know this will somehow skeeve him out. You know how dainty he is.

Grimace: A study in “What the fuck are you?”

At a holiday party with my cousins on Saturday the McDonald Land characters were brought up. You know, Ronald McDonald, Mayor McCheese, the Hamburglar, and of course; Grimace.
Okay I get what the “creators” were trying to convey with each character. Ronald is fun and playful. You can practically hear marketing saying “Come on down and chow with this fun bastard”. The Hamburglar speaks to a child’s mischievous side. Mayor McCheese appeals to a child’s good nature and need for structure, and/or an authority figure.
Now give all that just what was Grimace? A purple spice drop come to life when struck by lightning in the lab of a mad scientist? And what kind of name is “Grimace” for a children’s character? I mean Oscar the Grouch I get. He’s supposed to be a douche. But whey “Grimace”? It’s a sad and sour face a person makes when unhappy. Why would they want to use that name and slow thinking fool to appeal to kids? Was it to get the special need kids to feel welcome? “Hey there’s one of us there too. I think I’ll put peanut butter in the VCR”.
Whatever it was the world may never know. My cousins and I guessed as to what he may be and the best guess that we could agree on came from my cousin Kate; a gelatinous retard. There you have it folks. Grimace is simply a gelatinous retard. Case closed.