So I'm at Dunkin' Donuts a few days ago in the afternoon to meet a friend and snag a (much needed) coffee in the afternoon when who do I run into on the way in but Cousin Johnny* himself. Now I rarely see Cousin Johnny (sadly mostly at funerals, and we have a huge family so I see him under those circumstances more than I'd like to). So I introduce my friend Anita** to Cousin Johnny, and he corrects me during the conversation and says we're 2nd cousins (please help me because I've never understood that whole 2nd, 3rd cousins bit).
Now you see, Cousin Johnny is my mother's cousin which I think makes us 2nd cousins. Then we guessed that if Cousin Johnny had kids that they would be my 3rd cousins. The conversation goes on for another minute or so and the three of us are stumped. At this point I just said "fuck it we're just cousins", but Cousin Johnny really wanted to get to the bottom of this so he asked the woman at the register at the Dunkin Donuts with too few teeth*** if my mother and he were cousins what would that make us?
Her answer, loud and delivered with a straight face; "Shit".
*We all call him "Cousin Johnny". I have no idea why seeing as how I don't use the proper descriptor "aunt" our "uncle" for any of my aunts or uncles. As a matter of fact nobody in my family does so it's all the odder that we all say "Cousin Johnny". Even my grandmother calls him "Cousin Johnny". So here's the thing; that side of the family is 100% Irish and from Boston. Kellie (who is my cousin, but never referred to as "Cousin Kellie") and I have always wondered if he's in the Irish Mafia but never actually wanted to ask so we just play along and call him "Cousin Johnny". I suggest you do as well when you meet him.
** I just call her Anita, not "Friend Anita".
*** I have no idea why but I'm going to go with this train of thought; Don't question Cousin Johnny too stringently and just let him run with it.
I like bacon, and I'm good at liking bacon. What's so hard to understand?
- bacon ace
- I like eating bacon and driving fast, but not at the same time. That would be irresponsible.
5 comments:
Well, how about that. There's an entry here.
I thought use of the name "Cousin" was just some strange Boston-area affliction...
Hey you came! Have some complimentary pudding and donuts...and of course bacon.
If enough people come I'll have to continue to recycle my older blogs ;-)
::spits out donut::
Bacon-flavoured pudding donut!? Now you've gone too far!
Recycling blogs? No, indeed! This is..."The Best of Bacon." If Larry King can do it, you can do it, too.
1) Do you have any "Sullys" in your family?
2) You sure Cousin Johnny's related? I have all of these "aunts" who really aren't aunts. As far as I can tell, all you have to do to become an aunt in my family is show up at the door.
3) What's up with the "cousin once removed" stuff? It deeply disturbed my sister and me when we were little. "Cousin once removed"--they vanished and turned up again one day?
1) No Sullys
2) Oh he's definitely related
3) You are so asking the wrong guy. I don't even know what a 2nd cousin is (which i think they covered in algebra). There's no way I'm qualified to answer this question (which I don't think they cover until calculus or trigonometry)
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