I give very simple instructions and am met with redundant questions. Maybe this stuff shouldn't bother me as much as it does, maybe I'm nitpicking, but life is in the details isn't it?
Medium regular:
So when ordering a coffee you simply go up to the counter at Dunkin' Donuts and state the size and what you'd like in it. I get a medium regular most of the time. "Regular" means cream and sugar. That's what it means. So don't ask me if I want cream or sugar if I already said "regular". The last time this happened I asked the genius behind the counter "Doesn't regular mean that it should have cream and sugar?" He said I may have been talking about the size. WTF? There's more than one medium now I asked him? He didn't understand the question so I stated again that I would like a medium regular, and that that meant that I wanted a medium coffee with cream and sugar. The next time I was there we went through the same dance.
So the other problem with ordering this way (you know the hassle free way) is that after stating that I want a medium regular I'm sometimes asked if I want that iced or hot. Are you fucking kidding me? Did I ask for it iced? If I don't specify "iced" isn't it automatically hot? Coffee is a hot beverage by nature. If you want the alternative (i.e. "iced") then you have to mention that when ordering. If I don't say "iced" then I don't want it iced. Now stop asking me stupid questions and make my fucking coffee!
Italian with everything:
Look up the definition of "everything" in the dictionary. Go ahead I'll wait. Back? Good. Let me make this absolutely clear you sandwich making fool; when I ask for a small Italian sub with everything that means everything. Why is it when I order my sub that way some moron always asks me "do you want hots with that?" OF COURSE I DO! I ordered it with "everything" for the love of Pete! Stop wasting my time and make the damn thing. Now you may say "but Bacon Ace some people don't want hots on their Italian sub". Fine, then they should order "everything but hots". This isn't difficult people. But no, the intelligent have to suffer (relatively, it's not that much suffering) so that we may dumb it down to the lowest common denominator.
Club
I used to work in a sub shop in college. People would constantly order a club and ask to hold the bacon. Actual conversation:
Fool: Can I have a turkey club with no bacon?
Me: So you just want a turkey sub?
Fool: No, I want a turkey club with no bacon.
Me: Do you know what a club sandwich is?
Fool: Yes.
Me: I don't think you do seeing that the word "club" when referring to a sandwich means "with bacon". So I can charge you for a turkey club and not add the bacon if you want, or I can just make you a turkey sub. However what you're ordering right now is impossible to make.
Since this all started with the coffee rant many of you may be quick to reply "time for decaf". However I will point out that my irritation at these numbskulls at Dunkies happens before I get my coffee so let's just nip that response in the bud shall we?
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One time, I was in a sub shop near Beacon Hill, in Boston, and this dude comes in:
Dude: "I want an Italian Meatball Sub."
Counter guy: "Do you want an Italian Sub, or a Meatball sub?"
Dude: "I want an Italian Meatball Sub."
Counter guy: "Do you want an Italian Sub, or a Meatball sub?"
Dude: "I want an Italian Meatball Sub! That's what I ordered, that's what I want!"
(Continue for about 20 minutes)
I wish I was there.
Oh, and what did he end up receiving finally?
1) Bacon Ace: "Small italian sub, please."
Sparkle: "What part of the dwarf from Milan would you like on that, sir, arm or leg?"
2) HEY! Did you get to keep all of the bacon from people's non-clubs? Sweet sweetness.
Oh don't worry I ate my fair share of free bacon while there :D
We used to go McDonalds and order cheeseburgers without the cheese.
The clerk would always ask: "You mean a hamburger, correct?"
And we'd say no..."a cheeseburger without the cheese"
It took a while, but we always got them.
And how do I know this?
Because they came wrapped in the cheeseburger wrapper, not the hamburger wrapper.
And it cost 10 cents more.
See? Now that's service!
When I worked in fast food, we weren't allowed to make plain sandwiches with regular bread because they weren't on the menu...we could, however, make burgers minus the buns and meat and plus cheese, lettuce, and tomatoes.
I just love bureaucracy!
p.s.
I lived on hot fresh french fries in those days. Ah, that was the life...
I too hate the iced/hot coffee question.
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