Rainbow lover

Just watch it. Seriously.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGqtxdKjqbI&feature=player_embedded

Why does this keep happening?

Every so often someone thinks I'm gay and I have no idea why. It happened again last weekend. On Saturday night I was out to dinner with a male friend of mine. At the restaurant the waiter was being really friendly. More so than a waiter normally is. He would come by and we'd chat a little bit about the restaurant, their food, and the events they have there. As time went on I realized he was pleasant to my friend, but really focused on speaking to me. Then he touched my shoulder in a friendly way when he said something. At that point I was like, great, he thinks I'm gay and I'm being flirted with...again.
I should tell you that I've been to that restaurant before with a woman, and had that waiter, and this didn't happen. Nothing even remotely like it. The section of the restaurant we were seated in was narrow and there was really only room for one person to get by. Knowing this I let my friend go first as we were leaving. He passed by the waiter who said the usually waiter "good bye and thanks for coming". As I went by he smiled and touched my shoulder and said some similar waiter nicety to me.
When we got outside I asked my friend if he'd picked up on what happened and he was oblivious. When I pointed it out to him it was painfully obvious. I even emailed a gay friend of mine today to ask if I came off as gay at all and to ask how or why this keeps happening. He was stumped. I'd told him before that this happens and he just couldn't see it at all.
Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I picked up the whole check (it was my friend's birthday), the fact that I'm part Italian and speak with my hands. Maybe that can come off as flamboyant? I really don't know.

I have a dream...

As some of you may know I've recently started taking steps towards realizing a dream I've had since I was 15 years old; becoming a standup comedian. I've been to a few open mic nights, started writing material, and am signing up for a stand up class at Improv Boston that starts in July. Ironically there's nothing funny about this post.

Its what's on the inside that counts

Bacon inside the waffles. GENIUS!

IM snippets

(12:24 PM) Him: oh, better watch out, I'm listening to the smiths
(12:24 PM) Me: why should I watch out?
(12:25 PM) Me: are you going to give me mopey and depressed?

Hate the bunny not the game

So I got this rather disturbing card from my ex-girlfriend recently. I'm not even going to go into the ramblings of an insane woman that she put inside it. I have to say that after 2.5 years and all the love that was there it was pretty hard to see this. I mean, I treated her really well and even during the break up I was still nice to her while she was terrible to me. I couldn't figure out why she was so damn mad at me. Then I saw an advertisement for this on the way to work today:



I realized it wasn't me she was directing all this ire towards but the Blue Bunny itself. He's the "bastard" in question. It all makes sense now. Maybe she developed some level of lactose intolerance during the breakup and wanted to let me know that her irrational behavior was due to her intestinal discomfort. Don't you see folks? Well I for one am glad this mystery was solved. For a minute there I entertained the notion that she really thought ill of me.

Another one bites the dust.

It’s hard when a friend dies. Especially if it was one you have a lot of fond memories with and have spent a lot of time together. My loss was over a year ago but I still feel it as sharply as if it were yesterday. When my now ex-girlfriend came home I was sullenly standing in the hall looking like I was going to cry. She immediately came over and asked me what was wrong. I told her that I just found out that a friend of mine had passed away. I was acting all choked up like I couldn’t bring myself to say the name of the person. Then I pointed to my XBOX 360 sitting on the coffee table in the next room. The hard drive had fried that day.
What immediately followed were her feelings of concern turning to anger. She couldn’t see the humor in this and took it very personally. She accused me of setting this up to play a cruel joke on her and to hurt her. I guess since she had a friend of her family die 6 months prior it was too soon to make any jokes about death. Then she started crying. What? Oh yeah, she was crying because she couldn’t believe how mean I was being. Because remember folks, I orchestrated this all to make her look foolish. For months after that she’d refer back to that incident as “cruel”. Sorry, I can’t help it if I’m friggin’ hilarious. Everyone I told the story to laughed about what I’d done, and then were perplexed and bewildered by her reaction. I still am.

Be a gentleman. No wait DON'T!

At work we have those access badges to unlock doors and make sure we're not going where we don't belong. One of these doors is the door to the locker rooms for the gym nicely provided by the property management company. Today as I was approaching the locker room there was a woman standing outside the woman's locker room whose badge wouldn't unlock the door.
She asked me if I could use my badge to let her in. Actually what she said was "Does your badge work on this door?” I stopped and thought about it and was about to swipe my badge to let her into the woman's locker room if it did work. I quickly stopped myself and said "I have no idea if it works, but I don't want to find that it does given that they can trace my badge back to opening the women's locker room".
I then unlocked the men's locker room and went about my business knowing that I wouldn't be brought up on some sexual deviant charges.

I am not the fist bumping guy you think I am.

Look people, just don't try to fist bump me. Say hello or shake my hand. I don't know what kind of fist bumping vibe you're picking up on, but it isn't coming from me. I was in a store recently where the clerk saw my tattoos, commented on them, and then put up the fist bump hand. *ugh* so I stood there looking at him, and kind of feeling sorry for him. I then slowly, but without making eye contact, gave him the fist bump equivilent of a limp handshake. I think he got the message and left me alone.

Hello again

Well, I'm back from the dead and single again so I guess that means I have time for blogging in my life once more.

Dirty fun

Well as I live and breathe I'm, uh...living and breathing. I've been busy with work and whatnot. This Saturday I'll be driving my car on 2000 acres of wooded private property. Can't wait. Pics and video to follow.

Snow removal

Some people shovel. Some people use snow blowers. Some people use torque.

P.S. Cake, this is why I love snow.

Help the (horny) youth of today

A friend of mine IMd me asking for help with a work project. She works at a college and needs to come up with some pro-condom use slogans for posters to hang around the campus. I popped off a few quick ideas but thought "Aha! who better to help her than the Blogeteers?". So please do add your own slogans to help these confused youths.

"Condoms: Because you don't know how dirty that bitch is"
"Condoms: He's lying about that vasectomy"
"Condoms: You may want to hump now, but you 2 would make ugly kids"
"Condoms: Because AIDS sucks"
"Condoms: It's kind of like a kinky latex outfit"
"Condoms: It's like cheating God"
"Condoms: It protects your oozing sores"
"Condoms: All the cool kids are doing it" (It works on so many levels)
"Condoms: EASY CLEAN UP!"
"Condoms: Be a gentleman and keep it from sliding down her ass crack during the afterglow cuddling"
"Condoms: They work in asses too!"

Zooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom!

We have a software release to get out today. I'm currently eating chocolate covered espresso beans while drinking coffee with very little food in my stomach. I predict by noon I'll vibrate right through the floor. Wish me luck.

What might have been

In response to Cake's blog entry lamenting that we do not have rocket cars even in 2009 as we were promised in many sci-fi books and movies at least we can take solace in the fact that certain other, shall we say negative "prophecies" haven't come true from the self same sci-fi books and movies. Like this here TV show intro explains from 1980. In the date in the intro I'd have been 19 yeard old and in my 2nd year of college. I'm glad it didn't come to be.

New Year's Resolutions

Meh. That's just a way for people to feel good about themselves and their new goals for a few weeks before they forget. How about actually living your life and improving it all year round? Too tough for you? Need a kick in the ass once a year to remind you that you have to live your life and nobody will make it better for you aside from yourself? Fine, have your silly resolutions. Weaklings.

The best use of time

It’s such a sinful pleasure, and I shouldn’t get as much enjoyment or satisfaction out of it as I do, but… I do. There’s just something so right about texting someone while on the hopper. It makes you feel very productive, and it’s a little bit humorous. I had a conversation about this a few days ago and some people were a little grossed out ,but then it kind of made sense to them. Other people completely agreed off the bat so I’m not the pioneer by a long shot, nor am I the only one.
Look, I’m not talking about after or god forbid, during, wiping. That would indeed be rather nasty. Just simply sitting there texting and “taking care of business”.

P.S. I sent NoOprah a text stating “read my blog in 30 minutes” because I know this will somehow skeeve him out. You know how dainty he is.

Grimace: A study in “What the fuck are you?”

At a holiday party with my cousins on Saturday the McDonald Land characters were brought up. You know, Ronald McDonald, Mayor McCheese, the Hamburglar, and of course; Grimace.
Okay I get what the “creators” were trying to convey with each character. Ronald is fun and playful. You can practically hear marketing saying “Come on down and chow with this fun bastard”. The Hamburglar speaks to a child’s mischievous side. Mayor McCheese appeals to a child’s good nature and need for structure, and/or an authority figure.
Now give all that just what was Grimace? A purple spice drop come to life when struck by lightning in the lab of a mad scientist? And what kind of name is “Grimace” for a children’s character? I mean Oscar the Grouch I get. He’s supposed to be a douche. But whey “Grimace”? It’s a sad and sour face a person makes when unhappy. Why would they want to use that name and slow thinking fool to appeal to kids? Was it to get the special need kids to feel welcome? “Hey there’s one of us there too. I think I’ll put peanut butter in the VCR”.
Whatever it was the world may never know. My cousins and I guessed as to what he may be and the best guess that we could agree on came from my cousin Kate; a gelatinous retard. There you have it folks. Grimace is simply a gelatinous retard. Case closed.

Shit is gonna go down!

Breaking blog news. An update to an earlier report.
http://baconygood.blogspot.com/2008/09/mr-rage.html
So it looks like Mr. Rage is being cut loose today. Shortly even. Yes, the irate ‘Nam vet is being let go from employment at my company sometime today. It’s like a ticking time bomb. This could end very badly. No, it will end very badly. Look, I’ve seen First Blood. I know how this shit is going to go down.

To all my readers, if I end up being taken out in a wild rage or M60 rounds and/or “canned heat” know you all that I love you.

Violet, what are you?

I don't know why but while sitting at work yesterday I was reminded of my first big boy crayon set as a kid. I had graduated from the fat Crayola pack with only 8 colors, to the more pencil shaped 64 color box. I spent a lot of time just pouring over the crayons themselves and reading the names. When I came to violet I was perplexed. Was this blue, or purple? The crayon itself looked blue, but then it also looked kind of purple.
I had to draw something with it. Anything , just to see what it looked like on paper. It looked more purple on paper, but also kind of blue (no, not the Miles Davis album). To this day violet still kind of confuses me. Even after physics class where I was given the definitive scientific answer as to what violet light is, its place in the spectrum, and the truth to whether it was purple or blue. It still messes with me though.

P.S. I hate teal and I'm glad the 90s are over.