Pie will save the day

So I decided to fly the day before Thanksgiving. The busiest travel day of the year. I’d never done this before but was prepared for anything due to the horror stories that get passed around. My flight was at 11:10AM so I arrived at Logan at about 8:30. You always have to plan for any zany delays just when getting to Logan. After having a nightmare time in July (not the busiest travel day of the year either) I decided to allow for at least an hour for baggage check in, and at least an hour for security*. So after arriving at the terminal drop of point at 8:30 I headed in to face my doom. A doom that consisted of being at my gate in 15 minutes. WTF?
OK here’s what I’ve since come up with; terrorists have been planting stories using the US media to instill fear in a fiendish plot to scare us from traveling during the Thanksgiving holiday. The reasons for this are twofold; 1) They’re dicks and just like being mean, and 2) if we can’t travel then that’s less people at planned destinations to consume pumpkin pie. THAT’S RIGHT! They’re after my pumpkin pie. The less people there are to eat it the more they think will be left for them. And let me tell you right now, the last place you want to be, you slimy piece of shit, is between me and pumpkin pie.
But I did travel, and I did get pumpkin pie** so screw you terrorists. You have not won this day/pie! And I say to all my fellow Americans, and to a lesser extent my Canadian half brothers and sisters, if we do not eat pie then the terrorists have already won.

*this would go faster if the retards in front of me would take of their fucking shoes before getting up to the conveyor belt to put them in the tray. RETARDS!

**pumpkin chiffon pie actually. Yeah it sounds gay but was damn good.

Happy Bigs Eats

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I'm not around this week. I took a near last minute flight to Texas to surprise The Asian Cowgirl for Turkey Day and meet her family. having a blast. Talk to you all soon.
-Bacon Wrapped Turkey

Powder to the people

Oh My God! OH MY GOD!!! Ok heart slow down…slow down… *phew* So on the drive in today a few random flakes were falling and it gave me that calm and serene feeling that the first snow fall of each year does. I was driving to work and was quite pleased, though I knew it was too warm to accumulate and that it probably wouldn’t pick up in intensity, but it was just nice to see a few flakes.
Upon getting to work I looked out the window and it was full on snowing. Dreams of a fun ride home* and parking lot zaniness at night were zipping through my head. It started sticking. Cars and grass were first. Then slowly the parking lot at work started getting slightly covered. Will this be a night to remember? I hope the snow holds out.

*You should know that I love winter, and the snow. As someone that hasn’t been able to snowboard for 5 years due to a knee surgery I’m ecstatic to get out there again this year after getting the OK from my doctor. I also participate in ice racing with the local BMW club (www.bmwcca.org). They plow a rally course on top of Newfound Lake in New Hampshire. It usually starts late January when the lake is frozen enough. So we basically drive our cars one at a time on this twisty frozen race course and it’s so much fun. Especially now that I have my new car I can’t wait to get out there.

Volumizing (not hair)

So at work I sit near someone that eats with their mouth open. I cannot stand to hear people eat. It’s a huge pet peeve of mine. I can hear every chew…each finger lick…and every lip smack. It’s maddening!
I turned the ol’ iPod up to 25% volume to drown it out but to no avail. This was gonna take some serious musicing* to overcome. Bad Brains and 60% volume to the rescue and I can safely enjoy my Hostess Cup Cakes** in peace. *phew*
I should say that the iPod was a gift that I never new I wanted until I had it. Aside from pleasing me on its own it has saved countless lives…from me. I just couldn’t live without it.

*Shut up. It’s a word now.
** Yeah I know they’re not really cup cakes. I hadn’t had them since I was 12 and they were in the front of the row in the vending machine. I decided to take a culinary trip down memory lane. Yup, still tasty.

Al Joleson's Donut World

Yes it mus be All Hallow's Eve indeed. For there can be no other explaination as to why the Dunkin Donuts manager today was wearing an afro wig, gold chain with a huge dollar symbol, and black face. I shit you not. I wanted to take a picture but I was too horrified.

I'm a good person

I was at Dunkies this morning getting coffee on the way to work. I was way late but it's my last day so screw it. Plus I'm a consultant and get paid hourly so they sure wouldn't care. So the line is long and moving slowly and even though I can't officially be "late" to work I was still getting antsy. Then 3 elderly people came through the door; 2 women and 1 man with a WWII veteran hat on. He could barely walk and was helped to the table by the 2 women. 1 of the women then got into line right behind me presumably to order for all 3 of them. When I was waved on to the next register I turned around and said "go ahead ma'am" (and quite please with myself if I do say so) and do you know what she did? She said "You don't want to go down there?" meaning that it was too far for me to walk and that I was somehow giving her a burden instead of a gift. I said "its fine I'm not in a hurry, you can go ahead". She looked at me and said "alright" and shuffled along. That old bitch didn't even say thank you. I almost tripped her on the way by too, but then I remembered that "I'm a good person" and refrained from causing any more hip splinterings in this crazy world we live in.

Several Minutes!

There's this diner in Stow that I went to "several" years ago. I hadn't been back until last week for a "several" reasons; there were better places around, the atmosphere wasn't that great, odd service (not bad just "odd" read on).

So I ordered a bacon egg and cheese sandwich to go at the register. Nothing shocking there, it's me after all and I was in a breakfast food establishment. The server says to me "That will be several minutes" WTF does that even mean? Now when assuring a customer that their food will be ordered and sent to them there are many acceptable phrases such as "That will be right out", "That will be a few minutes", "Have a seat and Sheila will be out to rub your feet while you wait"*, "Nice sideburns dude"** However saying "That will be several minutes" sounds kind of confrontational, and he didn't say it in a confrontational tone, it just a damn odd thing to say to someone in that situation.

So I guess that's what it comes down to, the circumstances. If someone were to say "That will be several minutes" to me in reference to food arriving it could be off putting. Now if a surgeon had said to me "This will be several minutes" before knee surgery I'd be like "Cool man, take your time".

Oh, and the diner is now under new management. I went last weekend for the first time since the "several minutes" episode and there were no odd service instances that caused me to ponder them for years. Though to be fair it hasn't been years since last weekend.


*OK this really isn't an acceptable phrase for letting someone know there food will arrive shortly however if confronted with this option I'd be removing my shoes post haste.

**Alright that one doesn't even make any sense. It came to mind because last night the doorman at Ralph's complimented me on my sideburns and said he almost wanted to let me in without paying the cover because they were so nice. And he'd be right in doing so no doubt, but it made me realize something; women don't compliment me on my sideburns, but I get it from men all the time. Sometimes just random dudes walking down the street will stop me and compliment me on them. I think I've only ever been complimented on them by a woman once (and no, it wasn't my ex-wife that wouldn't count) but she turned out to be kind of a douche so… I suppose the moral of this story is that I can either shave or if I go gay I'll never be alone. Good to know for a backup plan.